” The presence of fear is a sure sign you are relying on your own strength.” – A Course In Miracles
You can say I was that type of girl. The type of girl where you would look at and wonder, “Damn, how does she do it all?” Everything I did I made sure I went all out. All out in school, all out in my social life, all out in work…
I wanted to have the perfect life and I was determined to get it. In high school I developed the habit to study hard and party harder. I wanted to go to college, but I knew it would be difficult to afford if I didn’t get a scholarship. So I did everything you were supposed to do. I got involved in sports, took honors and AP classes, and became the senior class president – hoping this would all spice up my college applications. Even after all these responsibilities, I still made sure I partied every weekend. I lived in the D.C. metropolitan area and the best thing to go to on the weekends were house parties. You could bet every weekend I was at some party turning up, twerking and running from cops. In my mind, I could have it all and nothing could stop me. My senior year, I ended up getting a two- year scholarship into a business program at a local college.
My first two years of college I carried the same habits I developed in high school, except I went 10x harder. I now was trying to balance college, a relationship, my social life, and a part-time job. On top of that, I was trying to score another full-ride scholarship to transfer to a big university to finish my degree in marketing. The one thing about me is I always had crazy drive and ambition. If I put my mind to something I’ll work my ass off to get it. My first two years of college were a blast. I partied a lot, I was kicking ass in school, I was traveling around the country for business competitions, I was in love with my boyfriend, and I was making money.
The hard work paid off because I was offered a full-tuition scholarship to transfer to a bigger university. I accomplished the number one goal in my life at that time which was to get a full ride to college. I felt like I won my trophy… and that’s when everything started to go downhill.
My junior year I felt like I was on top of the world. I transferred, I was living in my own house with other girls I met at college, and I finally felt like I was an independent boss! On the outside everything looked perfect. I was living on my own, I was in one of the top business schools, I was pledging and getting involved in school organizations, and I was still partying my ass off. The truth was I couldn’t handle the pressure anymore and inside I was the furthest thing from perfect. My classes were way harder. My relationship with my boyfriend turned toxic. Drinking became an issue. I was failing my exams and I was on the verge of losing my scholarship.
I hit a breaking point and had a melt down. Half way through my junior year, I was failing my classes and I ended my relationship with my boyfriend. I always had it together, but this time I didn’t. I remember crying my eyes out to my best friend because I didn’t know what to do anymore. How could I tell my parents that I might lose my scholarship? How was I so dumb that I couldn’t pass my exams? How did I let drinking become a priority? I lost myself and I wanted to rediscover what was truly important to me. I turned to personal growth and spirituality books and reconnected with my faith. It was through this experience that I was able to overcome my inner battles.
“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace within ourselves.”
I started to change the way I looked at things. Spirituality and working on myself helped me think differently. Once I started to think differently things started to change for me. There was a quote I once read that said, “Your external reality, is a reflection of your inner experience.” I started to cut out all the bad habits and focused on loving myself. For the next year and a half, I was manifesting my dream life. I started to travel around the world and saw places like Paris and Australia, I landed great corporate internships, I was getting A’s in my classes, my social life was well balanced and my dating life was lovely. I thought I had it all figured out again. However, after graduation I felt lost again. I did everything I was supposed to do but, something didn’t feel right. I didn’t want to find just any job in marketing. I wanted to do something that brought out excitement and passion.
That leads me here. I realize I am on a never ending journey and there will always be battles for me to fight, but now I am stronger than ever and more confident with who I am and what I believe in. I am constantly learning and studying new spirituality and personal development techniques that help me live the happiest and true version of me.
My passion is to help others grow through their challenges and discover who they truly are and what makes them happy. I invite you come along this journey with me.